167 Funny Birthday Wishes

 

Birthday greetings don’t always have to be too serious. Sometimes, funny wishes make the birthday celebration more fun and memorable. Whether you want to greet a family member, your friends or your special someone, a funny birthday message makes it more personal.

You don’t have to be a professional stand-up comedian to deliver a funny but thoughtful birthday message. All you need to have is a decent sense of humor. The words will naturally come out if you already know what makes your loved one laugh. As soon as you find the right words, pick a cute birthday card and write your message into it.

Just in case you need a little help, we compiled a long list of funny birthday wishes for your loved ones. Some of them are long, some are short. However, most of them will surely make the birthday celebration a wonderful day to remember!

Happy Birthday (Funny)

1. Happy birthday. May you live to be so old, people start wondering if you’re the walking dead.

2. Happy birthday. Don’t let a 27-year old Olympic gold medal winner make you feel like a failure on your birthday.

3. Happy birthday. I’m so sorry you’ve reached an age where pop culture marketers are no longer targeting you.

4. It’s a special day – your birthday! Let’s go out and celebrate you being one year closer to removing your age from your Facebook profile.

5. Happy birthday! Congrats on reaching an age that makes your receding hairline seem appropriate.

6. Forgetting your birthday was merely an April Fool’s Joke. Unless, of course, I did remember it, in which case – please disregard this message. Happy birthday.

7. I wish you a very happy birthday! Just please remember to tell me how old you’re pretending to be, so we can keep up the charade.

8. Happy birthday to a person whose age now makes them cry even more than the day they came into this world.

9. Happy birthday to someone who is now taking drugs on their birthday for serious medical reasons.

10. I’m so sorry for sending you belated birthday wishes. Honestly, I didn’t think you would live this long. Happy birthday.

11. Happy birthday! I sincerely hope that you don’t take this early birthday message as a sign that you might not make it.

12. On your birthday, remember this: age is only a number that represents how attractive, happy and able-bodied you are. Really, it’s nothing to get worked up over. Happy birthday.

13. Wishes may come and go, but age always sticks with you. Happy birthday.

14. I believe you forgot my birthday present last year. I’m returning the favor this year. I’m afraid a Happy Birthday is all you’re going to get.

15. Happy summer birthday! Get out and enjoy it while you’re still young enough to not fall into the “high risk” category for heatstroke death.

16. Happy birthday! You’re how old? Oh man – that’s like, dead in dog years.

17. I would be so much more into your birthday if it were my birthday.

18. You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy birthday.

19. Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the anniversary of your clever escape from the womb.

20. As you get older, there are three important things that happen. First, you lose your mind. I can’t remember the other two. Happy birthday.

21. Happy birthday! Remember this today: if you lick all the frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin – and muffins are healthy.

22. Happy birthday! After seeing all the candles on your cake, I seriously hope that you topped off your fire insurance.

23. Happy birthday to the one person I hope is still around when the iPhone 547 comes out.

24. A “few” years ago, you were smart, handsome and young. Today, you’re just an old fart. Happy birthday.

25. We thought we would get the right amount of candles to put on your cake this year, but quickly ran out of space. Happy Birthday.

26. One of the best pieces of advice in life is “you have to appreciate the little things”. That said, I know that spotting little things is easier said than done at your age! Happy Birthday.

27. Seeing as I usually forget everyone’s birthdays, you should consider it a miracle that I’m sending you this message. Happy Birthday.

28. It’s about time one of us turned 18! Drinks are on you, then! Happy Birthday.

29. Don’t let your age get you down, it won’t be long until you are allowed to start learning to drive. But until then, on your bike! Happy Birthday.

30. To my brother who still owes me several big ones. I didn’t get you a gift this year, so let’s call it even. Happy Birthday.

31. I can’t believe how big you’re getting! Long gone are the days when I could steal cake from your plate and no one would ever be the wiser. Happy Birthday.

32. Don’t you think it’s about time we grew up a bit and stopped painting the town? I know exactly what you’ll say. Next year. Happy Birthday.

33. I’m not a fan of overly sweet messages as you know, birthdays are for fun! So let’s ditch the old folks later and get out and about like we used to! Happy Birthday.

34. Oh yeah, one more year to annoy everyone you know. Happy Birthday, anyway.

35. I hope you have low expectations for your meal and cake this year, I hear dad’s having a go at being the chef. Happy Birthday.

36. Happy Birthday, you’re closer to seeing another century pass.

37. One more year to pretend you’re old enough to care about people around you.

38. You’re not old. You’re just old enough to know better and not old enough to care. Happy Birthday.

39. The emergency department is on speed dial just in case you have an unexpected asthma attack blowing the candles.

40. Party like it’s 1959, when you could still dance and drink alcohol without ending up in the hospital.

41. Remember when we stayed up late running from the law? No? Good. I don’t either. Happy Birthday, oldie.

42. Another year to prove that older doesn’t really mean wiser. Happy birthday.

43. Going old happens. Growing up is a choice. Happy Birthday.

44. Happy Birthday. You’re one step closer to diapers being mandatory.

45. I made a list of the words of wisdom I wanted to give you for your birthday. It’s still blank. Maybe next year.

46. May all your birthday wishes come true — except for the illegal ones.

47. It’s your birthday, but make sure you get all your presents before you offend everyone.

48. Today is your birthday, the only day you’re allowed to say things that you’d regret on any other day.

49. Oh yeah! You’re getting closer to the age when the government sends you money every month. Happy Birthday.

50. Statistics show that people who live longer have more birthdays, costing us more money for presents.

51. If you counted your birthday in dog years, you’d now be a teenager! Happy Birthday.

52. Another year to kick your bucket list to the curb.

53. You would have loved the gift I didn’t bother getting you.

54. When I have a birthday, I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.

55. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

56. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

57. When I was born, I was so surprised that I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

58. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

59. With age comes wisdom. You’re one of the wisest people I know.

60. Happy Birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

61. I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

62. You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.

63. Your birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar. Yung No Mo.

64. I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date.

65. You’re not 40, you’re 18 with 22 years of experience.

66. You may not be over the hill yet, but you have a great view.

67. Old enough to know better, young enough to still do it.

68. Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. And that’s what you feel today. Happy Birthday.

69. I’m just here for the cake.

70. Just imagine the things you’d want to hear on your birthday and assume I said them. Happy birthday.

71. There are lots of good people in the world. One of them would like to wish you a happy birthday.

72. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never remembers her age.

73. Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

74. Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, “Happy Birthday.”

75. Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

76. Looking 50 is great. If you’re 60.

77. Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.

78. So far, this is the oldest I have ever been.

79. It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.

80. Don’t forget to wear your birthday suit but check it for wrinkles first.

81. You’re so old that when you looked at your birth certificate, it said expired.

82. People say that the good die young, so I guess that makes you an old badass.

83. It’s proven that at the age of 41, you start to lose your memory. We can only hope.

84. Another year, another new place that aches.

85. It’s okay to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I’ve already alerted the fire department.

86. An old fart is as good as a new one.

87. Don’t think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic.

88. The younger you try to look, the older you actually are.

89. Count your blessings, not your wrinkles.

90. Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one. Happy Birthday.

91. Wishing you many more candles and a cake big enough to fit them all on.

92. You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by “for your age.”

93. Happy birthday! Here’s to being immature for a lifetime.

94. As your younger sister, it’s only right for me to remind you on your birthday that you’re still older than me. Ha.

95. Here’s hoping that you enjoy your birthday as much as you enjoy torturing everyone all year.

96. I tried to find something that represented the year you were born. Unfortunately, the thrift shops were closed. Happy Birthday.

97. Congratulations bud! You are now officially 20 years away from turning 50.

98. I’m just coming over for the treat. By the way, many happy returns. Here is a hug! Happy birthday. PS: I’m broke.

99. You just lost one more year of your life. Happy birthday, man.

100. It is said that those who have the most birthdays, live the longest. Birthdays are great. Happy birthday, dude.

101. Happy birthday! May the number of candles outnumber your gray hairs.

102. Wishing a happy birthday to someone who should probably start worrying about what the government is saying about Medicare.

103. I know you received so many birthday wishes yesterday, but who’s here with you today? That’s right! Me.

104. Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.

105. You know, they say that age is really all in the mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body. Happy birthday.

106. Experts say that people lose their minds when they get old. What they forget to mention is that you really won’t miss it. Happy birthday.

107. You may get on my nerves, but now that you’re older, you can at least make up for it. Happy Birthday, baby bro.

108. You were a really obnoxious brat and your smile let you get away with murder. Still the same but older! Wonderful Birthday.

109. Happy birthday, dear friend. A friend in need is a friend in deed; I’m in need of your car, to have it as mine, can you give it to me as a mark of being a friend indeed?

110. Happy birthday, my great friend. I wish you a long life, and I’m sure you love that wish. But, let me warn you; the day you start buying anti-aging cream, you may intercept the long-life wish, because aging is the only way to live a long life.

111. Happy 45th birthday, my friend. Don’t worry about the increasing wrinkles, you should rather be grateful for your blessings.

112. My dear girlfriend, how old are you today? Never mind, I already know the answer as always, +1. Best wishes on your birthday.

113. They said time heals all scars. So, as you get older, expect your scars (emotional and otherwise) to be healed. But, that doesn’t include wrinkles anyway. In fact, the wrinkles get worse as you age. Happy birthday, dear friend.

114. There’s one thing that can definitely make you live long and enjoy a long life, and that is aging. So, don’t be afraid to age, it’s the best prescription for long life! Happy birthday to a wonderful friend.

115. Needless to ask what you need as a birthday present, dear friend. Since you are obsessed with chocolate, I’ve invited the chocolate company to your birthday, so that you can have an overdose of it. Best birthday wishes to a lovely friend.

116. Dude, today I pronounce you guilty of becoming a year older! You’re hereby sentenced to a life devoid of your youth.

117. Dang! Life isn’t fair. You are not as wealthy as you thought you’d be by this age, and on top of that, you’re old.

118. With age comes new skills. You can laugh, cough, sneeze, and pee all at the same time. Happy birthday.

119. You are my friend, and I genuinely care about your happiness, which is why on your Big Day, I pray that God will make your bank account fat enough to always put a smile on your face. Happy birthday.

120. On your birthday, my new nickname for you is “Methuselah”. I guess you never thought that someday you’d become an old fart?! Happy birthday.

121. You might be tempted to feel sad about the fact that you have become older today, but you should take comfort in the fact that you are still blessed with hair on your head. There are many out there who can’t boast of this. Happy birthday.

122. As you age, your heart is probably screaming, “Why God? Oh God, why?!” But buddy, there is no point of screaming. You’re old, and that’s a fact! Happy birthday.

123. Here’s a fun fact—no, not that you’re getting older. Just that you’re starting to look even funnier. Here’s to more bad jokes and a happy birthday to you, Dad.

124. My dearest Dad, I know today is your birthday, but it’s not a real holiday so I’m not too excited about it. Just kidding. Happy birthday on this very important day to a very important man.

125. I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday on what to write in a funny birthday message for you but I couldn’t think anything funny. Happy birthday.

126. Congratulations on the 38th anniversary of your 18th birthday! You are still so young, Dad.

127. Mom just informed me that, though you are getting old, you are not becoming wiser at all. You’re welcome for revealing this secret to you. Just kidding. Happy birthday to one of the wisest men I know.

128. Dearest Dad: I wish for nothing but a lifetime of smiles for you on your birthday as long as you still have teeth. Happy birthday to you.

129. Dad, you’re not 52—you are only twenty-two, with thirty-two years of experience. Happy birthday.

130. Some people never grow up. You are one of them. Ask mom if you don’t believe me. (Just kidding—happy birthday!)

131. Father, make sure you eat as much cake as possible. No, not because it’s your birthday, but because soon you won’t have the real teeth to do so. Happy birthday to you.

132. Dad, I love you. I also just want to wish that you keep your wallet open for your loving daughter/son. Enjoy this special day. Happy birthday.

133. Happy birthday to the man who’s like the little sister I never had.

134. Even though we’re all supposed to have the same genes, you still look great, Dad. Happy birthday to one good-looking man.

135. Happy birthday, Dad! Oh, and thanks for giving me life and these amazing genes.

136. After thinking very hard about it, I still couldn’t find a fitting birthday gift for you. So, that’s why I came here to attend the day bare-handed. It’s the thought that counts, right? Happy birthday.

137. My dear dad, I am not going to confess that I came here only to eat the cake. Instead, I’ll just enjoy the cake and say happy birthday.

138. Here’s to you on your birthday, Dad, and every gray hair on your head. After all, I helped to contribute to those. Happy birthday.

139. To my dear Dad: I was going to buy something awesome for your birthday, but I didn’t seem to have enough money. So for your birthday this year, I’m going to give you a suggestion that you increase my pocket money for the next year. Until then, happy birthday this year.

140. Happy Birthday. Thank you for always being older than me.

141. You are gradually getting to the top of the hill. It’s better than being buried under it.

142. Here’s to hoping your birthday is as cool as your younger sister.

143. Happy birthday to someone who’s smart, gorgeous, funny, and reminds me a lot of myself.

145. Congratulations on being born a long ass time ago.

144. I hope you celebrate your birthday the way you came into this world. Naked and screaming.

146. Happy birthday! I hope I could figure out how old you are but I hate long Math. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

147. Happy birthday! I’m pretty sure that out of all the birthday wishes you get today, mine will be the wishiest.

148. Happy birthday to someone old enough to remember what it was like to poop without a smartphone.

149. Happy birthday to the family member I’m least ashamed to be related to.

150. So, it’s another birthday with you. Statistics prove that those who have earned more birthdays have lived the longest life on the earth.

151. People often compare birthdays with boogers. Because, with the increase in its number, people find breathing harder.

152. No one will stop tonight from eating your favorite dishes. I wish you the happiest birthday ever.

153. So, you are still younger than the age you will be on your next birthday. Have a special celebration.

154. Another year has gone, but that doesn’t mean you’ve become wiser.

155. It’s your birthday. Have a buffet cake night and eat as much as you can.

156. Nature has kept this day special because you are permitted to eat as much cake as you can.

157. Two older men sit on a park bench. One says, “Joe, I’m 84 years old, and I have nothing but aches and pains. How do you feel?” Joe says, “I feel like a newborn baby” “Really, a newborn baby?” “Yes! I have no teeth, no hair, and I think I might’ve wet my pants!” Happy birthday.

158. Listen, I hate to be the one to do this, but you need to get your birthday habit under control. It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will, in fact, kill you. So give it a rest, will you?

159. Happy birthday! You know you’re getting old when you never walk past a bathroom without saying “well, I’m here already – I may as well pee”.

160. On your birthday I’m going to share the secret to staying young: lying about your age.

161. Smile – today is your birthday. Be happy and remember that things could be worse. Just think about what you’ll be like in ten years – yikes.

162. Happy birthday! Congrats on joining the 28-years-old-forever club. We have millions of members all over the world.

163. Congratulations on finally reaching the snapdragon phase of your life: one part of you has snapped, and the other part of you is dragging. Happy birthday.

164. Happy birthday! They say that age is just a number. Yea right – and jail is just a room.

165. Don’t be bummed about your birthday! You know what they say: it’s better to be a year older than to be one month late. Happy birthday.

166. Happy birthday! Today, I would advise you to be nice to your kids. Remember, the older you get, the closer you get to having them choose a nursing home.

167. Wait – you’re how old today? You’re so lucky you’re not a dog. They would have put you down by now. Oh, well! Happy birthday.